Friday, April 28, 2017

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25 Things You Probably Didn’t Want To Know About Shor-T

2 places feel like home to me, Omaha & Denver.  Back in the day, I made mixtapes from my dual deck tape recorder and I didn’t even know what a mixtape was.  In 1988, the Easter Bunny gave me the Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock tape in my Easter Basket.  I know every word to Too $hort’s, Don’t Fight the Feeling and countless other offensive rap songs.  I get pissed when Maury changes it up and doesn’t do paternity tests.  I could eat Mexican food for every meal, everyday and not get sick of it.  I often skip grabbing dinner on my way home knowing I can have a bowl of cereal.  I wear a dress/heels on average once a year, and I always regret it by the end of the night.  I own probably around 1,000 t-shirts, most of them are black, many of them are Wu-Tang.  Method Man is the only living member of the Wu-Tang I haven’t met…yet!  I feel like ODB’s spirit visits me sometimes in my car, so I talk to him.  I can’t leave the house in the morning, no matter how late I am, without making the bed.  I can recite the movie Friday word for word and yes it’s very annoying.  My favorite song to karaoke is Gin & Juice. If they don’t have it, I can do Nuthin But a G Thing, Dre Day and 99 Problems like a BO$$.  I twirl my hair when I’m tired.  I talk a lot when I’m high.  I enforce the rule that if you are going to Popeyes, you must get me a biscuit, or I will take yours.  My son is probably going to outgrow me by the age of 12.  Yes, I am short, and I don’t know why people are surprised or feel like they need to have a “shortness contest” with me.  Yes, I am white, don’t bother hiding your surprise, I’m used to it.  I am both kinds of DJ, the talk on the radio kind, and the “wicka wicka” kind.  When I listen to Lil Kim I feel like toughest chick ever.  I met Schoolboy Q once and told him I loved him like 10 times in 30 seconds.  I once puked in Treach from Naughty by Nature’s hotel room toilet.  People always spell my name wrong. (It’s ShorT. With a dash. Not a space, not an underscore, not an extra t.) But my friends call me Shorty.

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