2017: A Year in Review
It’s that time of year…the end! So let’s take a look at some of the most memorable moments in 2017.
Top 2017 Moments in Hollywood
- THE JUICE IS LOOSE: O.J. Simpson was granted parole in July . . . and on October 1st, he was released after serving nine years of a 33-year sentence for kidnapping and armed robbery. For his first meal, the Juice pounded TWO #4 combos from a Nevada McDonald’s, which is SO 1995.
- The Oscar Flip FLOP: The Oscars ended on a bizarre note back in February, when the wrong Best Picture winner was announced. Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway said that the winner was “La La Land” . . . but then the accountants who tally the votes came out to let everybody know that “Moonlight” had actually won.
As it turns out, they were given the wrong envelope. The Oscars kept the accounting firm, but the reps who botched the envelopes will not be invited back.
- Baby Fever: Beyonce announced in February that she and JAY-Z were expecting TWINS. And she did it with a belly-bearing picture that became the most-liked photo of the year on Instagram. The kids arrived in June. They had a girl and a boy, named Rumi and Sir.
- Usher SPREADS some love: A report surfaced this summer that Usher had paid a woman $1.1 million in 2012, because he gave her HERPES. Then a woman sued him for $20 million for allegedly exposing her to the virus. . . THEN three more people threatened to sue!
- The Cosby Trials: Bill Cosby went on trial for the alleged sexual assault of Andrea Constand in 2004. But the jury deadlocked, and a mistrial was declared. Prosecutors plan to try him again.
- Pepsi Problem: Pepsi released an ad where Kendall Jenner appears to stop a RIOT from happening by handing a can of soda to a cop. A lot of people thought it was ridiculous, and Pepsi ended up pulling it.
- JLo the Cougar: Jennifer Lopez started the year by doing a little COUGARING with Drake. But that didn’t last long. By March she was dating former Yankee Alex Rodriguez, and they’re still going strong.
Top 2017 Moments in Sports
- Super Bowl Smackdown: Back in February, the New England Patriots made a historic comeback to beat the Atlanta Falcons 34 to 28 in overtime . . . after being down 21 to 3 at halftime. Tom Brady won his record fourth Super Bowl MVP Award, and his fifth Super Bowl, which is a record for quarterbacks.
- The Fake Shark Race: In July, Michael Phelps said he would be racing a great white shark in “open water” for Discovery’s Shark Week in “open water.” Obviously, that didn’t happen. The whole thing was simulated! Discovery timed some sharks: A great white, a hammerhead, and a reef shark, and had him race against their times. He actually DID swim in the ocean with CGI sharks though, so at least there was that. Still, some people were upset, because they thought he’d actually be racing a shark “side by side.” Discovery denied intentionally misleading viewers.
- Football Controversies & Celebrations: The NFL has been hit with a lot of controversies recently . . . including their handling of domestic abuse, CTE, and the National Anthem protests. So, they tried to insert a little more fun by bringing back touchdown celebrations.
- NBA Ballers: In June, the Golden State Warriors won the NBA title for the second time in three years. They knocked off the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game Five. Kevin Durant was named the Finals MVP.
- The World Series Wait: The Houston Astros out-slugged the L.A. Dodgers to win their first World Series, after a 55-year wait. George Springer was named MVP.
Trump’s Top Moments in 2017
- Make SNL Great Again: The best accomplishment of President Trump this past year was giving SNL endless material. I’d say President Trump made SNL great again.
- New Vocabulary: Invented a brand new word: Covfefe.
- War with the NFL: Went to war with, the NFL over national anthem protesters . . .
- Did he Really Just say That?: Said there were “very fine people” among the white supremacists at the deadly Charlottesville rally . . .
- A New Show: Throughout his first term, Donald Trump has fired enough people for a Washington edition of Dancing with the Stars or The Apprentice. Bets on when it will happen?
Top 2017 Moments that Affected the American People
- Sexual Harassment Overload: As tiring as it was to report on, it’s been a landmark time for women in all professions, and it could be the beginning of real change. Let’s list off some names… Bill O’reilly, Roman Polanski, Louis CK, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Former President George H.W. Bush, Senator Al Franken, Russell Simmons, Ed Westwick, Dustin Hoffman, and Danny Masterson. . . Just a few who have been found guilty or accused of sexual harassment with an ongoing case.
- Hurricane Relief: In August, two major hurricanes, Harvey and Irma, blasted the U.S. gulf coast with winds exceeding 130 miles per hour. It was Hurricane Harvey that caused the most destruction in the U.S., as it decimated Houston. And then in September, Hurricane Maria rocked Puerto Rico with winds exceeding 155 miles per hour.
- The Las Vegas Shooting: On October 1st, a gunman opened fire on the Route 91 Harvest country music festival in Las Vegas. 58 people were killed, and another 546 were injured. There were roughly 22,000 people at the concert. We still don’t know why he did it.
- The Manchester Bombing: On May 22nd, there was an Islamist terror attack in Manchester, England, immediately following an Ariana Grande concert. A homemade bomb detonated, and 23 people were killed, including the attacker, and an eight-year-old girl. Over 500 people were injured. Although this was not on American soil, the entire world came together to show support for victims.
- The Decapitation Photo: Kathy Griffin took her hatred of President Trump way too far in May, and posed for a photo with a prop made to look like Trump’s bloody, decapitated head.
At first, Kathy acknowledged that she crossed the line and apologized . . . but then she fought back, and accused Trump and his family of bullying HER.
- The Solar Eclipse: Hundreds of thousands of people flocked to Wyoming to catch the experience of a total eclipse. The day time sky went dark for a few minutes resulting in an experience many will not soon forget. Meanwhile, at Nina’s Alma Mater in Southern Illinois, where there was another view of Totality, not many people showed up. Wyoming was the place to be!
- Sexiest Man my Ass: “People” magazine named country singer Blake Shelton this year’s Sexiest Man Alive. A lot of people were unhappy and disagreed.
Top Food Stories of 2017
- The Unicorn Frappuccino: Starbucks created a sensation with their Unicorn Frappuccino in April, which started them on a trend of making special drinks that LOOK good on Instagram but don’t necessarily TASTE good.
- Reusing Chicken: A restaurant in Long Beach, California was busted in October for serving Popeyes chicken on a $12.50 chicken sandwich. And when a customer called them out for it on Yelp, they were PROUD of it.
- Chipotle’s Cheese: Chipotle announced they would be introducing queso to their menu and people were excited! Only problem was, their recipe was a total BUST with customers. People were NOT impressed. So Chipotle did the right thing in trying another recipe but that one sucked too. Maybe 2018 will be the year of the Queso??
- Duh, Papa John’s: Papa John’s released a new gluten-free pizza in August that wasn’t safe for people with gluten allergies.
- Wedding Taco Bells: A new Taco Bell in Las Vegas started performing weddings in August. VEGAS BABY!
Top nostalgic news stories of 2017
- Zima’s Back: ’90s nostalgia stormed back hard in 2017. The best product revival was Zima, in July . . .
- Crayon Casualty: Crayola got some press in March when they announced they’d be retiring one of the core colors from their box of 24 crayons for the first time ever.
It took them until September before they finally announced they were replacing the dandelion crayon with a blue color called “Bluetiful.” Yes, it took them six months to replace a yellow crayon with a blue one.
- Monopoly Mix: Hasbro announced in January that they’d be kicking out some of the classic Monopoly game tokens. In February, they revealed that fans had voted out the thimble. Then in March, they also revealed they were getting rid of the wheelbarrow and boot to make room for a T-rex, rubber ducky, and penguin.
- Coca-Cola Classic: Coca-Cola surprised customers by bringing back Jolt Cola in September
- Tamogotchi Temptation: Virtual pets hit stores again last month with the return of Tamogotchi pets!
Top Stupid News Stories of 2017
- The total solar eclipse provided plenty of opportunities for good stupidity in August, with the best being a woman in Texas who asked a science museum if they could reschedule their eclipse event because it was on a school night. Good thing she’s not homeschooling that kid! FULL STORY HERE.
- “Cosmopolitan” magazine published an article in April with the headline, “How This Woman Lost 44 Pounds Without ANY Exercise.” It turns out her secret was . . . she had cancer. Awful. FULL STORY HERE.
- Adidas sent an insensitive marketing email in April with the subject, “Congrats, you survived the Boston Marathon!”. FULL STORY HERE.
- A lawyer in Miami was arguing on behalf of his client in an arson case back in March when, suddenly, his pants caught on fire. That works on so many levels. FULL STORY HERE.
- A snow park in Georgia was closed because of too much snow in January . . . and then, earlier this month, a Six Flags had to cancel the world’s largest snowball fight because of snow as well.
- In September, in Russia, a woman sued a credit company because their ads promised that paying off debt would feel, quote, “comparable to having an orgasm” . . . and the woman found that just wasn’t true. FULL STORY HERE.
- And after the eclipse, emergency rooms had to treat people who put sunscreen on their eyeballs. COME ON! FULL STORY HERE.
- A strip club in New York lost a case in May where they tried to get out of paying $3 million in taxes by claiming their dancers weren’t strippers . . . they were therapists. I mean…they are KINDA right. FULL STORY HERE.
- A guy from Nevada tweeted to Wendy’s in April, asking how many retweets he’d need for them to give him a year of free nuggets. They responded 18 million.
He “only” got 3.5 million . . . THE most retweets ever, even more than Ellen’s famous Oscars selfie a few years ago . . . so Wendy’s gave him the nuggets in May. WINNING! FULL STORY HERE.
- Rompers for men that raised over $350,000 on Kickstarter. FULL STORY HERE.
- Fashion took a fall when Jeans with a zipper in the back were created so you can expose different amounts of butt crack . . . also there were crotchless jeans . . . and $425 jeans that are pre-stained with mud . . . totally see-through jeans . . . and completely cut up thong jeans.
- In July, an American Airlines flight was grounded in North Carolina when a passenger’s flatulence made other people get sick. FULL STORY HERE.
- We found out last month that Apple has secretly been cataloging photos of you wearing a bra. FULL STORY HERE.